Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it glows. i had to have it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
