I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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