I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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