oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
