Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
