There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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