My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
