Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
