I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
