Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize