shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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