i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't turn off my feet"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
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