That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
