That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
