Umm I'm too high to move.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
