You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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