I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i think i have two assholes
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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