this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Randomize
