I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
