Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
