we have pet lesbian snakes
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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