i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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