Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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