Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.

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(812): View more from Indiana

she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.

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(512): View more from Texas

He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I need moral support for this bender

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(323): View more from California

Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?

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(242): View more from Bahamas-Carib

I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"

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