i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
