Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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