she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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