Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
we should paint friendship bongs
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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