i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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