Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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