Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
