did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
