he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
