Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
