i don't like sucking hair
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
