The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
