Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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