I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
