If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
pop tarts are not kleenex
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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