I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
