Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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