this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
