im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
