marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
