the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
