fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
