My friends, they love my intelligence
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
