So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
