I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
