Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
