No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
