all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
