After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
In America we eat man semen.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
