Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
