I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
