I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
