I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Panties = found
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
