Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
