Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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