In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
