so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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