i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
