Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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