I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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