Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
