her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
