Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
