I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
