Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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