Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
