I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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