tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
