It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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