Im at strip club and am horny
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
