my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
