i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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