Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
