i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
