the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
