Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
