i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
