if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
