Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
