I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
