I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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