Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
as a side note pls kill me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
