Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
