didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
