My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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